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My Bedroom Tale of Woe… A Poem

June 16, 2009
by

liam says…I couldn’t resist putting down my flooring problem in rhyme…

MY BEDROOM TALE OF WOE.

A tale of woe I must tell you all
began on the day I walked from the hall.
I went to the bedroom where many have slept
to tip up and dust and have beds redressed.

Now this is a duty that always is done
when one guest doth leave and another to come.
While setting the pillow down at the head
I heard a slight sound from under the bed.

A creak, then a groan, then a feeling of fear,
was it the devil…..God help me he’s near?
I saw the bed shift and lean toward the wall.
I was sure what I saw as I started to fall.

Next was the feeling…. It was ever so new
Satan had stolen one leg and one shoe
Where had it gone?..the other was here
and just about then, I sunk to my rear.

Had the devil decided my time had come
to take me down under….well, at least to my bum
I’ll be dammed if i’m going….as I shifted right….and
then left….and then forward…..my legs out of sight.

He didn’t scare me….I’d be out of there soon
as I pulled myself up with the sill and a broom.
What had just happened?…not the devil I see
It’s the floor…..it was that…that was swallowing me.

It was dampness that came up from the ground
and rotted the timbers…which lead to the sound
of the boards giving way from under my feet
and pulling me down to sit on my seat.

My tale of woe does not end quite yet
and I must tell my guests that I have not yet met
Please do not worry when you come over here
I promise….I swear…there is nothing to fear.

I fixed this slight probelm….with a cemented floor
from cornor to cornor right up to the door.
Now nothing can happen when you lay down you head
the bedroom is safe….there is nothing to dread.

Well, there is a slight problem I must now confess
It’s tiny…it’s small….Its hardly worth press
If you come to my cottage and weigh more than me
don’t sit on the toilet…outside you must pee.

For the floor in the loo is not yet cement
Yes it is timber….it’s wood…..it’s rotted I bet.
This floor that I speak of is much like a sponge
so if you dare risk it, prepare now to lunge.

Wait!  Do not panic for the fix is in time
the floor will be finished…finished in pine
Yes, I know that it’s timber and will probably rot
but when that happens, I’ll be in the same spot.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. Betsy Avery permalink
    June 16, 2009 8:04 AM

    Hysterical, Liam! Maybe if we all put such woes to rhyme life would be a whole lot funnier and a bit easier to deal with. Well done!

  2. June 16, 2009 2:24 PM

    With a good melody, you’ve got yourself a song!

    Glad you’re able to laugh about it, even while it’s still painfully new to you…

    Slan!

  3. June 16, 2009 4:04 PM

    Wow, Liam, I’m impressed at your poetry!
    I have to tell you something – I was in Ames, Iowa today to tour the university with my son. I had been wanting to go to this store – http://www.amesbritishfoods.com/ – for a looong time so I was thrilled to go. I had a pile of goodies at the counter and the man (from Tipperary) told me that “your coupon says buy one chocolate bear, get one free”. I thought, hmm, I don’t want any chocolate bears. Oh well. Then, when he was ringing me up he said, “these are buy one bear, get one free”, indicating my Cadbury’s Milk – HA! I thought, I can’t believe I didn’t know he was saying chocolate BAR! It has really been that long since I heard someone with an Irish accent! (I think that means it is time to take a trip to Ireland, what do you say?)

  4. Betsy Avery permalink
    June 17, 2009 8:39 AM

    Cindy, so glad you posted about Ames British Foods! We are going there in a few weeks to tour ISU with our son also (my husband is an alum.) We will definitely have to hit ABF!

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